Ted comes home blackout drunk

Ted had a reputation for coming home after a long night out and falling asleep before he even realized he had reached the bedroom.

One evening, he stumbled through the front door, barely able to keep his eyes open.

He walked into the bedroom, completely unaware that his wife had an unexpected visitor, Carl, sitting nervously nearby.

Ted climbed into bed, pulled the blanket over himself, and was asleep within seconds.

Carl panicked.

“Should I leave?” he whispered.

Ted’s wife shook her head.

“Relax. He’s sleeping so deeply that he probably wouldn’t notice anything.”

They waited quietly.

A few minutes later, Ted shifted slightly but continued sleeping.

Carl finally relaxed.

Then, after a while, Ted moved again and mumbled something that sounded like a complaint.

His wife quickly whispered, “He’s fine. Don’t worry.”

An hour passed.

Ted suddenly opened one eye and looked around the room.

Carl froze.

Ted stared at him for a moment, then glanced at his wife.

“Listen,” Ted mumbled sleepily, “I’m not even going to ask what you two are doing.”

Carl swallowed nervously.

Ted closed his eyes again, then added:

“But I have one question.”

Carl waited.

Ted sighed.

“Why does everyone keep counting my sleeping hours like they’re keeping score?”

Carl looked completely confused.

Ted smiled sleepily.

“Whatever happens tonight, just remember…”

He pulled the blanket over his head.

“I’m charging admission next time.”