Relationship Jokes

A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it…

An 18 year old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the chemist and buys a pregnancy kit….

There was once a woman who was married to a man who would make extremely loud and disgusting farts every morning as soon as he woke up. Every time he…

A grandson asked his grandpa one question while on the way back from school. Grandson: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? Grandpa thought for a minute…

A woman and her lover are in bed together when hubbie comes home. The woman jumps up, shoves the guy in a corner of the bedroom, rubs him down in…

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association. A few days after…

The husband leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had lovemaking together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you…

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife. “Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches…

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them…

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. “What will you have?” he…

After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away. They agree, and the pastor greets the family. “Pastor,” Johnny says, “I heard…

There’s a couple that has been dating for a while. As much as he wants to, she won’t sleep with him, because she’s saving her virginity for marriage. Just as…

A husband and wife are sitting on the couch watching TV. The wife looks at the husband and he is staring at the ceiling above her head, she looks up…

An old man is 85-year old and insists on taking his wife’s hand everywhere they go. When a man asked him why his wife kept looking away, he responded, “Because…

A wife was in bed with her lover, When she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice…

A daughter takes her old father in a wheelchair to a retirement home for the first time. The nurse, expecting their arrival, greets them with, “Welcome to the Johnson family…

An elderly couple were sitting outdoors at a cafe when they noticed an old man who seemed to be having trouble crossing the street with an ungainly shuffle. The man…

Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, “Grandpa, are you going to take that new pills?” Grandpa looks at him and says, “No…