A man went to his lawyer
A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn’t want to pay up. What should I do?” “Do you have any proof?”…
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A cowboy runs into a bar and says
A cowboy runs into a bar and says to the bartender, “Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, and make it quick!” The bartender pours out the shots, and…
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A man walks into a restaurant
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders. The man says, “I’ll have a…
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A blonde walks into a pharmacy
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell bum deodorant, and…
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A new soldier was on sentry duty
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear no car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A…
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A girl came skipping home from school
A girl came skipping home from school one day. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted…
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A Irishman is walking along the beach
An Irishman is walking along the beach one day, and he sees a bottle laying in the sand. He picks it up and starts to brush it off, and out…
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A husband and wife were in the bathroom
A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said, “I gotta have you!” He backed her up against…
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Did you see me rob this bank
A man walks in a bank, pulls out a gun, and robs the bank… Then he turns around and asks the next customer in line, “Did you see me rob…
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A guy offers to buy a drink
A guy offers to buy a drink for an attractive young woman seated at a bar. She gives him the green light, so he goes to the end of the…
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John woke up after the annual office
John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the…
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Two elderly ladies meet
Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other’s health, one asked how the other’s husband was doing. “Oh!…
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A guy enters a bar and orders
A guy enters a bar and orders two shots of vodka. He drinks the first and dumps the second on his right hand. He then orders a second round of…
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A little old lady goes into the store
A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper. “Pardon me, sir,” she says to the store…
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A blondes go into a bar
A blondes go into a bar and one of them says to the bartender, “A round of drinks for me and my friends.” They get their drinks and the raise…
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A man comes home from a night of drinking
A man comes home from a night of drinking with the boys. As he falls through the doorway of his house, his wife snaps at him, “what’s the big idea…
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A cab driver picks up a nun
A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies:…
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A man and a woman were asleep
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, groggy and bewildered, jumped…