Clean Jokes

A drunk was sitting in a bar looking at three small brown pellets in his hand. The bartender asked what they were, and the drunk replied “They are brain pills…they…

A hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear. He carries his trusty 22-gauge rifle with him. After a while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and…

Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. “Listen to this,” she said. “There’s a classified ad here where a…

An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name legally changed. When he replied, the desk clerk asked “Can I help you sir?” Our man said “Yes, I…

Harry answers the telephone, and it’s an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, “Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The…

A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around 3 in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He’s laying in…

A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her fronts in the mirror. He asks, “What are you doing?” She replies, “I went to the doctor today,…

A man visiting a doctor says, “Doctor I just dropped in to tell you how much I benefited from your treatment.” The doctor replied, “But you are not one of…

Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have? Johnny: One dollar. Teacher(sadly): You don’t know your arithmetic. Johnny(sadly): You…

A lawyer is talking to his client. He says, “I have some good news, and I have some bad news.” The client says, “I could use some good news. What…

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. McNick, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?” No one answered until little Mary stood up,…

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only…

A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease. “Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?” “Sure….

A business man packing for a trip glances in his briefcase. “Honey?” “Yes, darling?” “Honey,” he says, in mild exasperation, “why do you persist in putting a condom in my…

Jack goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I’m having trouble getting my tool self enjoyment. Can you help me?” After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, “Well, the…

A man walks into a dimly lit bar and the bartender asks him, “Why is the front of your shirt all bloody?” His customer answers in a slurred voice, “My…

A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner. The price of a pretzel was 25 cents. Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch…

A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table had been set with forks, not chopsticks. He asked why. The waiter said “Chopsticks are provided only on…