Clean Jokes

A school teacher used to take a short nap every afternoon. When his pupils asked him why he did so, he said that he went to dreamland to meet ancient…

A man and his wife are discussing what they think their son will be when he grows up. “I have an idea,” says the father. He puts a ten-dollar bill,…

A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see…

A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife cant hear him. How bad is it? the doctor asks. I have no idea, the husband says. Well, please…

A hunter spots a grizzly bear 1,000 yards away, but due to some thick bushes he can’t get any closer, so he aims his rifle and fires. He can see…

A class of 3rd graders return from their field trip to the farm and the teacher asks them, “What kind of noises did you hear at the farm?” The first…

The lawyer says to his client, Bill Shorten, “I have some good news and some bad news.” Bill replies: “I’ve had a bloody awful week, so let’s hear the good…

Little Mary was not the best student in school. Usually, she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, Mary, who…

A man was talking to one of his friends named Jim when another friend walked up to them. The friend showed them that his head had become a giant pumpkin….

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, When it did ring,…

This dog walks into a post office and says to the Postmaster. “I need to send a telegram.” The Postmaster says “OK, what is it?” The dog says “I need…

Little Johnny was visiting a friend of his in New York during the winter. He and his friend went outside to play in the snow. After about an hour, his…

A farmer was taking three of his donkeys for sale to the market. On the way, he saw a river and decided to have a dip. Since he had only…

An 80-year-old man went to the doctor, who was amazed at what good shape he was in. The doctor asked, “Why do you think you have such good health?” The…

Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. “Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something… but…

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want…

An elderly man travelling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was occupied. The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested…

On a warm evening, a man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the cheerful-looking bartender and asks for his favourite premium beer. “Certainly, sir. That’ll be…