Clean Jokes

Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled…

A doctor tells a rich old man that he’s going to die if he doesn’t get a new heart soon. The old man tells the doctor to search the world…

Two fishermen, Paul and Jim, decided to rent a boat on a lake for their favourite sport. After fishing for 4 hours at various places around the lake with no…

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice…

A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, “I think my dog is dead”. The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a…

A 60-year-old man went to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, “You’re in terrific shape. There’s nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever; you have…

A woman found herself standing at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greeted her and said, “These are the Gates to Heaven, my dear. But you must do one more thing…

The first-grade teacher was showing pictures of animals to her students to see how many they could name. She held up a picture of a lamb, and a little girl…

A doctor told his patient after reviewing his x-rays he needed surgery costing $5000. The patient said he only had $500.00 and what could be done. The doctor said, “Well,…

An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking. They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at…

After receiving a beautiful haircut, a doctor asks the barber, “How much do I owe you?” “Oh, I never charge a doctor,” the barber replies. “You all do such good,…

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning,…

Two buddies are fishing, but they haven’t caught anything all day. Then, another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish. They ask him “excuse me, but where did…

A man traveling by train asks the ticket collector what time the train stops at Victoria. “Sir, we don’t stop at Victoria.” “But I have to get off there!” “Well,…

A lady is walking down the street to work and see’s a parrot in a pet store. She stops to admire the bird. The parrot says to her, “hey lady,…

A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being…

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was…

A guy walking along the beach finds a bottle and picks it up. A genie pops out and says, “Thanks for letting me out. For your kindness I will grant…