Clean Jokes

A man goes to the post office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?” He replies, “Yes, caffeine.” “Have you ever served in…

A guy walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, “shingles.” So she took down his name, address, and medical insurance number and…

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem,…

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, “I…

Rodney walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me two shots one for me and one for my best buddy here.” The bartender says, “You want both drinks now…

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his expensive wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth…

Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scared-cat. The first kid says, “My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed.” The…

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call…

A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, “I’m just a walking economy.” His friend replies, “What do you mean?” “It’s like this:…

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?” No one answered until little Mary stood up…

A teacher asks the kids in her 5th grade class: ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ Little Larry says: ‘I wanna start out as a Fighter…

A man got really drunk one night in his local pub. The barman refused to serve him any more alcohol and told him he should be heading home. The man…

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a…

A man goes to the doctor complaining about stomach problems, and he asks him what he’s been eating. “I only eat pool balls,” he says. “Red ones for breakfast, orange…

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. “You know,” he says, “I’ve heard…

A man went to his doctor and told him that he had not been feeling well lately. The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three…

A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible sunburn all over his body. He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted after being…

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of…