Clean Jokes

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye.” The bartender says, “Yeah, right! I’ve never…

A lady walks into the drug store and asks the druggist for some arsenic. The druggist asks, “Ma’am, what do you want with arsenic?” The lady says, “To kill my…

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance in court,” said the…

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?” The mother says, “It’s my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on…

A polish man is sitting at a bar having a few drinks when he notices a very attractive lady sit down at the other end of the bar and order…

A new monk arrived at the monastery. He was assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He noticed, however, that they were copying copies,…

A laywoman was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking space. Looking up toward heaven, she said, “Lord, take…

A man walks pass a beggar on the corner of the street where he works. The beggar holds out his one hand and the man drops a coin into his…

A guy goes into a drug store to buy rubber pack. “What size?” asks the clerk. “Gee, I don’t know.” “Go see Sophie in aisle 4.” He goes over to…

A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion…

Old Josh was sat in his garden, sunbathing in the deck chair when he noticed his grand-son kneeling on the lawn with a worm. When he asked his grandson what…

Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, in front of the refrigerator, and…

A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there…

A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn’t want to pay up. What should I do?” “Do you have any proof?”…

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell bum deodorant, and…

An Irishman is walking along the beach one day, and he sees a bottle laying in the sand. He picks it up and starts to brush it off, and out…

A guy enters a bar and orders two shots of vodka. He drinks the first and dumps the second on his right hand. He then orders a second round of…

A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies:…