Three old men were talking
Three old men were talking about how much their hands shook. The first old guy said, “My hands shake so bad, that when I shaved his morning, I cut my…
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Two guys were discussing life
Two guys were discussing life in general over drinks one night. “My grandfather lived to be 96.” “Ninety-six? What finally got him?” “Liquor and women.” “Well, that just goes to…
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Two strangers were seated
Two strangers were seated next to each other on a long flight when the first guy turned to the second and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights will go…
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Dinner at a posh restaurant
A man takes his visiting country cousin to dinner at a posh restaurant. They walk in, are ushered to a table by a formally dressed maitre d’, and seated at…
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A foursome of senior golfers hit
A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. “These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained. “These fairways seem to…
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A Irishman been at a pub
An Irishman’s been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face….
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A man went into a bank
A man went into a bank and almost on hands and knees, begged for a loan. He needed the money desperately to feed his family. The banker okay ed the…
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A shy man was feeling a little lucky
A shy man was feeling a little lucky and decided to ask the subdued provocative librarian about seduction as he tended to be oblique in his intentions. “Do you have…
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The teacher asked little Johnny
At school one morning, the teacher asked little Johnny what he had for breakfast. Little Johnny said, “Well, on my way to school I come cross this apple tree, so…
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A guy walks into a bar and orders
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He only brought enough money for one beer though. As he’s drinking his beer, which was quite expensive, he realizes…
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A Midwest farmer was describing
A Midwest farmer was describing his lifestyle to a touring group of city folks. “One of the benefits of this profession,” he explained, “is that we have built-in weather predictions.”…
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A man was sitting alone in his office
A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie appeared in a puff of smoke and said, “And what will your third wish be?” The man…
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A salesman was trying to talk farmer
A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance. “Shucks, I’d sooner spend my money on a cow,” said the…
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A man walks into a butcher shop
It’s a summer holiday weekend and a man walks into a butcher shop that has a sign in the window saying “Ground Sirloin: 29 cents per pound.” The man says,…
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Three elderly gentlemen were talking
Three elderly gentlemen were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them in fifty years’ time. The first said, “I would like my grandchildren to say ‘He was…
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A man goes to a shrink and says
A man goes to a shrink and says, “Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps…
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Two little squirrels were walking
Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, “Oh, look! A nut!” The second squirrel jumped on it and said,…
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A radical feminist is getting on a bus
A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, “Here’s another man trying to…