Funny Jokes

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here…

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of…

Two secretaries were talking about their work. “I hate filing,” said one. “No matter how careful I am, I can never find the papers I’m looking for. I forget where…

A group of girls walks into a bar. One of the women tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The gals lift their…

A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbour owes me $500 and he doesn’t want to pay up. What should I do?” “Do you have any proof?”…

Two nuns were walking home one night down a very dark street. One nun was called Sister Mathematical because of her gift for numbers and the other nun was called…

A man walks in a bank, pulls out a gun, and robs the bank… Then he turns around and asks the next customer in line, “Did you see me rob…

Nursery school teacher says to her class, “Who can use the word ‘Definitely’ in a sentence?” First a little girl says “The sky is definitely blue” Teacher says, “Sorry, Amy,…

A blonde phoned a retail pharmacy to talk about her prescription. He said to the pharmacist, “My doctor ordered this prescription for me. Your store filled it and gave me…

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, “Your grandma’s the best lovemaking…

A man was watching TV and enjoying a beer. “Don’t go,” he yelled at the screen. “Do not enter that building. Walk away. Argh, you stupid man!” His wife called…

A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, so she said yes. When he went to wipe his bum there was no toilet paper so…

A man went to his lawyer and said “I would like to make a will but I don’t know exactly how to go about it.” The lawyer says “No problem,…

A man sees a gorgeous and hot woman standing alone at a bar. After tossing back a couple of shots he gets the nerve to approach her and says: “Hi,…

One day a guy walks in a bar and asks for five shots of whiskey. The bartender asks why. The guy says, “I found out my brother is lesbian.” The…

Two women are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just…

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, she rolled the dice and landed on “Science & Nature”. Her question was, “If you are in a…

The teacher noticed that Johnny had been day dreaming for a long time. She decided to get his attention. “Johnny,” she said, “If the world is 25,000 miles around and…