Funny Jokes

The doctor said, ‘Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes…

Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted to heaven. St. Peter asks the first man his…

A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, ‘I have a question to…

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this the wife wants him to quit, so she gets 2 shot glasses, filling 1 with…

Three old men were sitting around and talking. The 80 year-old said, “The best thing that could happen to me would just to be able to have a good pee….

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had bypass surgery. He awakened to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital. As he was recovering, a…

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork. As she got to one little girl who…

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a genie’s lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it. Lo-and-behold a genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if…

A woman entered the pharmacy, approached the pharmacist, made direct eye contact, and began to speak. “I would like to buy some cyanide.” The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world…

Three men were playing golf. The course was a wicked dogleg with a large water hazard. The first man stepped up to the tee and hit a sharp slice into…

A lawyer walks into a bar and sits down next to a drunk who is closely examining something held in his fingers. The lawyer watches the drunk for a while…

Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained to the other, “Boy, business taste it. If I don’t sell more cars this month, I’m going to lose my…

A customer walks into a coffee shop. She asks the barista, “How much for a cup of coffee?” The barista points to the menu and says, “Five dollars for a…

Three young women were hired by an insurance company on the same day. A year later the boss said each of them was due for a promotion, and that each…

Two old drunks are sitting in a bar when the first one says, “Ya know, when I was thirty and got an self enjoyment, I couldn’t bend it, even using…

A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. ‘We need a fourth for poker,’ said the friend. ‘I’ll…

A blonde goes horse back riding. It starts out slow, but then it starts to gallop. The blonde is enjoying herself. All of a sudden she slips off and her…

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, “I’ve never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?” The doctor…